Category Archives: humour

Clairvoyant Clive

For once someone who is good at their job…

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Just trying out the wordpress app for iPad, and playing with sketchbook pro.

Sarcastic parents

Kids don’t get sarcasm – it just confuses them – but it is so tempting sometimes. Here are a few of the crazy things I’ve heard people (including myself) say to their kids recently:

Where has your bedroom floor gone? I can’t seem to find it.

No, you don’t need to brush all of your teeth – just the ones you want to have when you’re older.

That’s a lovely pictures darling. What is it?

Wow, aren’t you the clever one, spreading that all over your face!

Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.

Clumbsy cliches: Don’t feed the hand that bites

What twitter (and other social networks) really stand for

Further to the post on Backronyms, here are some more social media flavoured ones:

TWITTER – Tracking Which Idiotic Thoughts Take Endless Repeating

TWEET – Talk While Everyone Else Talks
or To Write Every Empty Thought

BLOG – Bilious Load Of Gas

FACEBOOK – For Accessing, Covertly, Embarrassing Behaviour Of Our Kids
or Following Acquaintances Can Easily Become Odd OK!

MYSPACE – Musical Youth Soon Pissed-off As Corporation Enters

FLICKR – Free Lens Into Communal, Kollective Reality (source: snerko)

BEBO – Because Everyone’s Beautiful Online

Better suggestions please…

Wrongful language: backronyms

Backronyms – expanding the letters of an existing word to turn it into an acronym, either in error or for comic effect.

I can remember in school being told (and believing) that ADIDAS really stood for ‘All Day I Dream About Sex’ but according to wikipedia it actually comes from the nickname of the company’s founder Adi Dassler.

Existing acronyms can undergo a similar treatment, with a new meaning applied. This can sometimes leave the original etymology unclear, take for instance the uncertainty over what RSS stands for – is it Really Simple Syndication or Rich Site Summary. And technology gives us lots of opportunities to make up more accurate definitions for acronyms and brand names:

  • TWAIN – Technology without an interesting name
  • WWW – World Wide Wait
  • ISDN – It Still Does Nothing
  • ADSL – And Does Still Less
  • PCMCIA – People Can’t Memorize Complex Industrial Acronyms
  • DVD – Defunct video Device
  • DRM – Devil Restricted Music
  • VISTA – Visual Interface Slows Technical Advance
  • APPLE – A Pompously Pretensious Lifestyle Emblem

And I shouldn’t miss out the best known three letter acronym TLA.

If something can be taken the wrong way, it will be taken the wrong way

Unfortunately the message is not what is meant – it is what is understood – and as per Murphy’s law it can often go so wrong.

This can be a challenge for religious groups whose thoughts may be cleaner than those of the people they are trying to convert. But when they err into innuendo, you have to wonder whether it is on purpose or not?

Which of these are ironic, which accident, oh, and which one is a fake?

source: www.hotrodsandclassics.net

Proof: time really does speed up as you get older

Do you remember endless summer recess/holiday when you were a kid, long days packed with so many new experiences and waiting forever for your birthday or Christmas to come around again.

And how many things can you remember from the first few years after you left school? Compare that with the next three years and the next –  there are progressively fewer memorable events until the years fly by in the blink of an eye.

Why? We can only percieve the passing of time through our own experience of  it. We perceive chunks of time (and therefore the speed it is travelling) as a proportion of the total amount of time we have experienced in our lives so far.

When you are nearly three years old,  one month’s wait for your third birthday is 1/36th of you life – a quite extensive period of your life so far, which seems to last forever (at least my daughter thought so in April).

When you are 35 years old however, you start to dread how quickly your next birthday will come around as you head for 40 and middle age. But proportionately you have the same wait to your next birthday, 1/36th of your experience of time, as my daughter did. So, this gives us…

A month at 3 = a year at 36

Those endless days when you were five…  packed in nearly as much as a week’s vacation at 34.  That endless summer recess when you were nine… lasted as long as a year will when you are 78.

So no wonder we feel time speeds up. Comedian Steven Wright put it another way:

“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.”